Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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