Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
