keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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