1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
