I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
