Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize