and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
