remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
