Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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