great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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