is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
