How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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