if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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