Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
