Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
