my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
