weddingsv make me drug and hornr
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
