question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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