He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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