I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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