I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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