Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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