The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
