I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
