Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
How does it feel to date your dad?
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