I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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