Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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