dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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