Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
