dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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