I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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