I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
