i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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