After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
