how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
