I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
