I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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