the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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