ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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