This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
