Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
