Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
