dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
