yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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