not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
