tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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