why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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