she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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