So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
