you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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