I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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