i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize