so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
