He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
