there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
