well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
