Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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