what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
