I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
