Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
