This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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