i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
