Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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