someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
