Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
