Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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