So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
