absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
