Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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