DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I wish you could order shots online.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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