either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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