he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
